I can’t find my angst.

17 Nov

I seriously think I lost it for good this time.  Over the years, I have misplaced it a few times, but it always found its way back to me.  I am not sure what do to about this.  I have had it forever.  It matched my cynical perfectly.  Speaking of, where did I leave my cynical?  This getting older thing is really doing a number on me. I can’t seem to remember anything these days.  I usually keep my cynical with my disillusion but now can’t locate either one.  I hate to say it, but it is a distinct possibility that kids stole them.  Maybe my husband threw them out.  He never liked them anyway.

Ugh.  They were so comfortable!  They don’t even make them like mine anymore.  What I see the young people with these days just seems so cheap and contrived.  Not like mine at all.  I had the real deal with the poetry and journals to back it up.

I guess I don’t miss them that much.  They were fairly outdated.  Not to mention the fact that they were heavy and I was always exhausted after carrying them around all day.

I must admit the optimism my husband gave me on our first date is pretty nice…and it does look really hot with the confidence I picked up in my early 30’s.

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10 Responses to “I can’t find my angst.”

  1. actionfiguretrish November 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    love it. totally get it. killin’ me.

    • sheilatalbitzer November 17, 2011 at 6:59 pm #

      I am glad you get it. My mom reads my blog and called me this afternoon to tell me she didn’t understand what I was talking about. I explained it and she said something to the effect of “I don’t know if other people are going to understand you”. You are proof they do understand me! Thanks for the comment!

      • actionfiguretrish November 17, 2011 at 9:13 pm #

        i never dreamed it, but apparently my dad has read my blog and his only comment on it was, “one day maybe i’ll understand some of it.” i’m rather glad it’s obtuse for him. i’m not sure he’s my biggest fan thematically. maybe lots of people won’t get this post, which makes it secretly extra especially hilariously poignant when it does click.

  2. Rhett Gérard Poché November 17, 2011 at 3:58 pm #

    I think I may have borrowed some of your cynicism and angst. Do you want it back?

    • sheilatalbitzer November 17, 2011 at 7:03 pm #

      No, Rhett my dear, I do not want it back. You can just throw it away. It has got to be expired by now. When we moved out we should have told Frank there might be some left over disillusionment in the freezer next to that dead mouse.

      • Rhett Gérard Poché November 17, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

        Ew, the mice….I was thinking about our house the other day. People were so shocked that we were more than willing to live there. I think that speaks highly of us. It’s that time of year, and I bet the mice are begging to get in. It was too bad that Rich brought a”ratter” who didn’t “rat” into the home. But, don’t get me wrong, I loved the house, and I loved living with you guys. As for the angst and cynicism, I’ll put them on a shelf for Alastair. You can thank me 10 to 15 years from now (or not).

  3. Anne D-S November 17, 2011 at 10:03 pm #

    I TOTALLY get it!! I was just thinking about it the other day while I was listening to my Ani CDs. It was interesting to visit but been there screamed that.

    • sheilatalbitzer November 18, 2011 at 8:01 pm #

      It is crazy how many things I have tried to listen to recently that I thought were so profound when I was younger and now seem kind of trite.

  4. Miss Demure Restraint November 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm #

    I know you are never supposed to tell a child their parent is in error, but . . . your mom is wrong. This is totally get-able. It is clever and well-written and I so relate it. My problem is no matter how often I think I’ve lost my angst for the last time, somehow, it keeps showing back up.

    The more I read your blog . . . the more I like it.

    • Sheila Talbitzer November 22, 2011 at 11:21 am #

      It is o.k. My mom and I tell each other we are wrong all the time. There is no woman I respect more than her and she loves me like only a mother can. Still, we disagree on almost everything. In retrospect I know why she didn’t understand it. She has gone through a lot of hard things starting pretty young. She never had the luxury of angst. She had to grow up and be responsible pretty young.
      On another note, thanks for the compliment! Sometimes a little affirmation from a stranger goes a long way.

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