You are lucky I am a Pacifist

13 Nov

I am talking to you, young man in the black truck with the bass so loud it rattles my teeth.  I dislike you with a passion I usually reserve for bigots and abusers.  I know you are oblivious.  How could you not be with those sound waves regularly liquefying your gray matter?  You have an uncanny knack for passing our house daily during nap time and/or minutes after we get the kids settled for sleep at night.  I can hear you coming when you enter the neighborhood and then literally feel you as you slow down to a crawl to pass the speed bump directly in front of our house.   I have noticed you turn down your music as you approach your house.  (I totally know where you live.)  Did your mother complain?  She should.  It is obnoxious.  Speaking of obnoxious, what is it that you are listening to?  Your taste in music sucks.

Fine, I am an old lady.  I don’t get it.  I am cool with that.  I don’t want to get it.  I just want it to stop.  This has been going on for 3 years now.  I am not that good at math but by my calculations you should be at least 19 years old.  That is plenty old enough to be over this desperate “please-look-at-me” business or to move away for college. I have yet to meet a woman (or girl for that matter) who confesses to having met her beloved after being overwhelmingly impressed by volume of his car stereo.  It doesn’t make you look desirable.  It makes me want to punch you…and I don’t even know how to punch!

You have annoyed me enough to Google search “tire deflation devices”.  They are called Spike Strips or Stingers if you were curious.  Alas, they are dangerous, expensive, and only available to law enforcement.  I am not that kind of person anyway.  I did get a little satisfaction daydreaming about it though.

Am I missing something here?  Is there anyone who can clue me in?

Since I have given myself permission to gripe in this post there is one more thing I need to get off my chest.  Why in the hell are the recycle triangles so hard to find on plastic containers?  I spend far too much time scanning the bottom of containers, especially the transparent ones. Until this issue is resolved I am just going to recycle everything.  Take that!


10 Responses to “You are lucky I am a Pacifist”

  1. purposefullyawkward November 13, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    Don’t feel too out of the loop. I am in college and I don’t understand it either. Also, there are people at recycling plants whose job is to sort through everything so recycling absolutely everything is less wasteful than not recycling something because you were unsure of its recyclability

    • sheilatalbitzer November 14, 2011 at 11:32 am #

      Either there is a special way of being able to tell what is recyclable or those workers have the most amazing vision!

      • purposefullyawkward November 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

        From my understanding (I worked with my uni’s campus sustainability office this summer) its part of the job training to learn the secret code of packaging.

  2. Miss Demure Restraint November 13, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    You really cracked me up. Love the rant and the recycle thing . . . I’m with ya’. When in doubt, I recycle, not because I’m a good, green environmentalist, but because I’m lazy and the symbol can be harder to find than Waldo.

    • sheilatalbitzer November 14, 2011 at 11:35 am #

      Searching for the symbol with my bifocals on tends to make me feel even older than I am. I do everything I can to avoid this!

      • Miss Demure Restraint November 14, 2011 at 11:56 am #

        Take it from someone older, but not necessarily wiser . . . fashion accessories. That’s what we call them (the bifocals). We don’t wear them because we can’t see anymore. We wear them because they make us look smart and sassy. 😉

  3. Kitty November 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

    Great post! I am lucky to not have anyone in my neighborhood with the over-the-top speakers, but I am now tempted to write a similar post about the people on the next block who leave their two dogs outside 24/7 to bark at … pretty much everything, the way it seems. Seriously? How can they not get that that is obnoxious?!

    • sheilatalbitzer November 14, 2011 at 11:39 am #

      Lucky you! I have the stereo kid and a barking dog! The dog doesn’t bother me that much. It does this weird metronome kind of thing. bark (pause 30 seconds) bark (pause 30 seconds) bark…etc. What really drives me nuts about that situation is when the owner comes outside to get her dog to come in and stands on the deck for 20 minutes calling the dog in a high pitched baby voice. The dog NEVER responds. She never leaves the deck and then gives up and her dog continues to bark. Hmmm…maybe you have given me an idea topic too.

  4. toosoxy November 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    You should play something equally annoying when you pull in front of the truck by “accident.” You have car insurance, right?

    • sheilatalbitzer November 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

      HA! I won’t pretend the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. Then I would have to deal with getting the car fixed… I have also considered finding something really horrible from the kid’s music collection and slowly driving past his house every morning around 5 a.m.

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